Take 2 turkey: How to bone and disjoint a bird if you aren't a tv chef

I thawed out a turkey this week just to cut up for my friend Somebody's Nana, who has asked me to demonstrate my cutting techniques. Before I get started, I want to say a couple of things.

• I am not a chef. In fact, I didn't know how to cook anything other than grilled cheese sandwiches and white rice until my late 20s, when I was introduced to Food Network and a show called "Cooking Live" with Sara Moulton. Under her daily tutelage, I blossomed like a wildflower into the cook I am today.
• Always use a sharp knife when cutting a bird, plus turkeys have some ligaments that chickens don't have that you have to slice through. A dull knife is more dangerous than a very sharp one. I sharpen my knives every time I use them like this, using an old fashioned stick sharpening thing. I got it in a thrift store for about 50 cents. It looks like a sword and can easily be brandished as a weapon if my husband tries to pinch me while I am working.

• I use my smallest knife for this. It gives me better control while I make short cuts.

• Boning: Removing the bones

• Disjointing: Cutting it up at the joints into pieces

So! Start with a thawed or fresh turkey, throw away the pop up timer and the thing that holds its legs together. Sorry about the repost of the image, I can't figure out how to remove the old one.

Cut the skin that holds the leg onto the bird so that you can see down in there. That looks gross, doesn't it?
Then come underneath the leg and cut until the knife stops. Here you want to use your fingertips and feel around at the joint for some marble-y feeling things. This is the ball and socket joint, your goal is to cut between the ball and the socket. Don't fret if you have to chew around in there with your knife until you get the feel of the joint.

Pull the leg back and keep cutting. Once you locate that joint, it will be easy.

Special props go out to the love of my life, who took the pics! In spite of his perving on me when I said "I need you to take some pics!" we still managed to get this done.

Take your fingertips and feel around at the wing joint (remember, it feels like marbles...) and cut until you feel it slip between the ball and the socket. We will talk about wings in a bit. I love making buffalo wings with turkey wings. They're big enough that my guys feel like they're getting a meal and it is a great way to use pieces that previously went to waste on a whole roast turkey.

Now on to the breast. The breast bone is at the top. Make a cut along the top and then start rolling it down with your hands and cutting. I don't do this like the TV chefs, but the end result is the same. It should come off in a nice, big piece but if it doesn't, so what? Use it in a stir fry or soup. We are having turkey breast tonight for supper. They are brining right now in a mixture of kosher salt, splendex and siracha. *Never* squirt some siracha into your mouth because you can't remember how spicy it is...0.o
It's a bad idea...

Now, turn the bird and firmly grasp the thigh and pull it in the opposite direction. It will snap and come loose at the joint. Look at my fingertip. See that white spot? That is the ball of the joint. The thigh will come off very easily after this. Try to cut it leaving as much meat as you can.
Repeat this process for the other half of the bird and toss the carcass in your scrap bowl. We will deal with it in a bit.

Now you can take the thigh and remove the bone. Put your knife as close to the bone as you can and make cuts till you have freed the bone. Toss it into your scrap bowl to be added to the carcass for stock. Now you have a boneless thigh cutlet that you can dice for recipes or cook in a myriad of ways.

You have another choice with the thigh. You can separate the legs and thighs and leave the latter bone-in or boneless OR you can make giant thigh quarters. If you're just going to boil a piece for a recipe, I would skip a step or two and just use a thigh quarter. Here we have a boneless thigh, a leg, and a quarter.

Fold the wings and feel for the joint then take your knife and cut between. Also remove the wing tips and add it to your scraps. This will make your wing and drumette for buffalo wings.

As you can see, now all that is left are the scraps. I usually put the neck and tail in the same package and boil them for lunches. I think the tail is one of the best pieces. I also package the giblets until I have enough for a batch of fried liver and gizzards (I'm a southern girl, what can I say?) and I freeze the skin and wing tips until I have a few pounds for schmaltz, which sure beats trying to find a butcher who will sell you 2 pounds of chicken fat. This time, I also froze the carcass because I don't need stock right now but it can wait till later.

I hope this helps someone with being able to not totally destroy their pieces while trying to get their bird cut up.