Honk if You're Horny! Did I just say that?

Happy Halloween! Today I am going to show you how to make a proper hat for your work environment.

Any of you who know Alpha Man know that he really is a devil. Therefore, it is only appropriate that he wear horns for Halloween. He is, in many ways, a child at heart so I try to indulge him as much as possible plus he needs something to wear while he and Thing 2 go trick or treating in the neighborhood together. In the image below, you will see two hats. One is his hat from the place he used to work (it's tan), I had to remove the pieces from it to finish this project and the black one is the hat from the place he works now.

Normally, you would only need one hat but since this is a transfer, we had two.
You also need a hot glue gun, 2 circles of firm cardboard, slightly larger than the horn ends, 2 pieces of old fabric (I used a cut up holey sock from his drawer) and a pair of scissors. Oh! And my iPhone. I was actually making this as part of my flylady routine for the day, so I had to have the phone close by for using the timer and also the Pandora app. What did I ever do without that phone? I now carry the world at my fingertips.

Your first step is to cut a hole in the sides of the hat, a little smaller than the ends of the horns that rest against the head. This is because you not only need to allow for the glue but also for fraying the fabric so that it looks like the horns just shoved through, no longer able to be contained by a mere hat.

I'm sorry if my hands are dirty, I had just come in from working in the garden, pulling up the dead plants and thinking about putting in some Brussels Sprouts.
Your second step is to cut little snips around the edges of the holes and then pinch them over and over until you fray them out.

Next, take the hot glue and burn yourself with it a few times and glue the fabric to the back of the cardboard circle.

You need the cardboard for support and the fabric keeps the cardboard from rubbing around in the hair. While running the glue in a circle on the cardboard piece, burn yourself again just for good measure, then press the ends of the horns into the glue. By the way, we got those horns at Party City about 4 years ago. The paint is peeling so next year we will either repaint them or peel them completely.

Next, you insert and line up the horns inside the hat and at the a spot where the base joins the hat, you need to line it all the way around and (burn yourself!) press the fabric into it, taking care to make sure that the fray looks real.
Thing 1 took these pictures that have both of my hands in them. Didn't he do a great job? This, by the way, is the hard part and it's not hard.

Then you have the subject try on the hat. I done tol' y'all that he is a devil.

Now, some of you may be wondering what, if anything, happened to the other hat, the one from his previous job. We probably just threw it away, right? Oh, no. Not us! We did what any red blooded American family would have done. We torched it in the yard in a bizarre family ritual, complete with dance and chanting.

And Thing 2 roasted some marshmallows. Yep, that's a wire coat hanger, we like to do things fancy!

And that, as they say, is that. This is all that's left.

Beans, Beans ... They're Good for Your Heart

We (aka You Know Who) like beans. I put them in soups and stir fry and all manner of household tasties. Well, tasties if beans are your thing. There was a time when my mom tried to make me eat some beans from a can and I was too little to say anything other than "BUG!" and she kept trying to force it and then she looked and there was a big, brown beetle in there. That pretty much ruined the bean experience for me, though I would stand at the stove and pick the choice bits of ham out of the pot as I got older. Anyway! Alpha Man enjoys a tasty pot of beans and they're very healthy and inexpensive.

I usually keep a variety of canned ones on hand but haven't seen a coupon for them since I've started couponing again. I did, however, have 3 bags of dried ones in the pantry and beans freeze well so I soaked them and cooked them with no seasoning in order to try out something that I have deemed to be wildly successful. Yes! WILDLY! Successful.

I took the pot of cooked beans and set my muffin tins out on the counter. Then I measured out 1/2 cup portions of just beans into the muffin cups.

My friend asked me "Why half cup portions?" and I went on a 30 minute dissertation on portion sizes and being able to measure them out for recipes (I wanted to make m'self look like I'm clever, you know!) but really, it's because the muffin tins only hold half a cup :-P

After that was complete, I took the bean juice and poured it in to the top. This was so they would all stick together when frozen.

Then I stuck them in the freezer till the next day, when I ran a large rectangular pan full of hot water and set the tin in it for a few seconds and let the cubes come loose, lifted them out and put them back in the freezer for 13 minutes to refreeze the sides.

Toss them in a bag and you have a dozen 1/2 cup portions to add to any recipes. 3 pounds of beans made way more than a dozen, though, I worked on this for 2-3 days before they were all put up.

They're already cooked and just need seasoning. It takes about 2 minutes to thaw 2 of them in the microwave but some recipes I don't even thaw, I just toss them into whatever pot they're going in.
By the way, from a budget standpoint, this is waaaaayy less expensive than beans from a can it just takes more work plus you have the added benefit of knowing what's in your food.

And it's NOT a big, brown beetle.

Making Corn Pops Be Edible AKA Don't Waste Food!

Corn pops are, in my opinion, cold cereal's greatest fail. I never liked them as a child and I still do not. Neither do my children. Therefore, I'm unsure of why I ended up with a box in my pantry. They were destined for the food pantry when one of the children opened the box up one day, ate a bowl, and deemed the remains inedible. So here I was, stuck with them and nobody willing to take one for the team.

Today while cleaning in the kitchen some (a never ending job for a chronically messy person such as myself) I looked over at that open box as it mocked me from the cereal shelf, ridiculing my choices and my unwillingness to throw away perfectly good food. I decided it was time for some action. I opened the pantry door and spied a bag of reject marshmallows, took them out, and it was on.

These marshmallows turned out to be way too big for roasting and too big for s'mores, so they have been languishing in the bottom of the pantry for quite some time, begging for attention and love, which is what all marshmallows really need. You can clearly tell this is fact by this photo I took during a rare moment of marshmallow activity.

So I weighed the marshmallows out and cut them into small pieces and followed the recipe for Rice Crispy treats using the corn pops.

After they had set and gotten cool, thus less gooey, I cut one out and looked at it. It was, of course, a much more lumpy texture than crispies but still all glued together from the marshmallow goo. Then I plated them up.

So far, they are being given a passing grade in our extensive food testing facility. There have been no complaints from the rabble, I mean, the customers and the supply is beginning to dwindle. Weill I make them again? No. I hope to never buy another box of Corn Pops unless it's an accident.

Saving money on boneless, skinless chicken breast

Here is the post I promised several weeks ago about how to save money on chicken breasts. Lots of people LOVE chicken breasts but hate the price because they are always expensive! Not anymore if you just follow what I am about to show you.

This week, bone-in split breasts are on sale for $1 per pound. That's half the price of boneless, skinless breasts and I promise you that the bone in those things does not weigh much at all and you can do magical things with it. So wait for a good sale and then stock up if you have the freezer space! Here is a breast and my set up for boning it.

And here is a pic of the breast with some arrows to show you where you want to cut with your knife. See that line of fat on the bottom? If you start putting some small cuts there, you'll feel the knife come to the bone. Just start rolling your cuts in from there, staying as close to the bone as possible.

Then when you get to about the center, come up underneath and start cutting from the underside. This side will be a little easier, because you can use the cartilage as a guide. The breast will come off very easily. Also, pay attention to the long, teardrop shaped muscle that I've pointed out. It's special.

THAT, dearhearts, is your tenderloin. It is the choice piece of the breast, which, for many, are already choice pieces. It's the piece that you will see sometimes in packages and more expensive than regular chicken breast. I like to bone enough breasts that I have a batch of these and then either freeze them for later or make a batch of tenders. A lot of store bought tenders are just sliced breasts. If you bone them yourself, you should have a tenderloin on every piece and that alone makes it worth it to me to do the work myself.

So pull the bone back, and the end will usually have a tiny bone that you have to cut around. Don't throw the bones away! Toss them in a bowl to make stock with.

Pull off the tenderloin and set it aside. There is a thin membrane separating it from the breast, so this is easy. Then pull off the skin. This part is easy, too. I don't throw this away, either. Now you should have one large breast and one tenderloin. Do this again with each breast until you're finished with the amount you have bought.

I do this with several pounds of chicken at one sitting usually, but this time, I did one 4 lb package just to make this post. But when I do 30 pounds, I will pack them in portions of 2 or 4 and seal them for freezing with my foodsaver. I also sometimes slice them along the length and freeze them on a sheet pan before tossing them in a bag just like the IQF breasts at the store.

Next, I will put the bones in a pot, cover them with water and boil them for a short time, then remove them and take the bits of cooked meat off and make a pot pie or something right away. You can also make a great soup with them, just toss the bones back in and simmer them for a while so that your stock will be very rich, remove them and add whatever soupy things you like. Being a great cook isn't really a science.

Next (and this is not for everyone especially if you are afraid of fat, which I'm not lol) take the chicken fat and skin you cut off and dice it up into bite size pieces, slice an onion and throw it all into a heated pan. Salt and pepper them.

Stir these a LOT and let them get brown and crispy and the onions will sometimes burn a little and caramelize, however imperfectly, the fat will render and you can even save that out and use it to brush on vegetables when you roast them.

I added the frog because I read once that you need something green on your plate.

THIS is my favorite part. Your arteries will be begging you for mercy but your soul will love you.

Canning Your Own Salsa When Your Gardening Skills are Lacking

I will admit it...I am not a gardener. I grew up in a family of people who were and ARE fabulous with plants. Unfortunately, I am lacking that gene. I did grow a garden once and I guess if you sweat on it enough, you can get a lot from it, but ever since, my plants have died. I must not sweat enough!

I've been working this week on rearranging my pantry to accommodate the flux of groceries lately. I've been getting rid of things I bought that I haven't used, like the clam juice and jalapeno jelly and making room for things that we will use like Heinz 57 and grill spices. While I was working, I found a bulk size can of tomatoes so I decided to make some salsa for Alpha Man and his coworker. I've done it like this before, there was a time when I matched up a coupon to a sale on canned tomatoes and couldn't stop myself from buying them until ALL of the coupons were gone because the tomatoes were free. I think that when I was done, I had 240 cans. And I LOVE canned tomatoes. I don't like them fresh at all, but from a can, mmmm.

So I started with this set up, but first, I got the Jell-O ready.

Jell-O? Oh, it has nothing to do with the salsa, but I have it on good authority that the key to being a great mom is in keeping the Jell-O coming! So you new parents forget all those things you've read in books, just keep up the Jell-o! Anyway, here's the setup.

First, get your water bath canner and jars ready so the jars will be hot when you need them. Adding your hot tomatoes to cold jars can cause them to break. I did this without a canner for a long time and just had an insert in the bottom of a stock pot, but then I found this lovely old enamel canning pot with a rack at a thrift store for $2.99. Setting the jars on the bottom of the pot with nothing under them can cause them to break, too. SO just buy a canner. They're about 20 bucks and come with some really great accessories. Get your jars on the fire with a pot of water and then start on the tomatoes.

You see a BIG can of tomatoes and a packet of salsa mix plus a 4 cup measuring cup. That packet of mix has the instructions on the back and was on clearance last year for 10 cents. The first thing I like to do is take out about 4 cups of whole tomatoes (no juice) and set them aside to roughly chop later. Then I stick the immersion blender down inside and make a seedy puree, like this!

After this, I like to slide a slotted spoon around in there and see if there are still any whole tomatoes, then roughly chop the tomatoes and add them back in. Take a 1 cup measuring cup and measure your tomatoes into a large stainless steel pot to make sure you have the amount the recipe calls for. I've had to open a small can before and add a few to get an extra cup. Don't start daydreaming or A) you'll lose count ... was that 7 or 9? and B) this will happen! Curse you, attention deficit!

Once you have them measured, you may have to pour them back into the can and then make the mixture of vinegar and mix powder in your pot before readding the tomatoes. Always follow the directions on the packet. The companies who make these things know a lot about how to prevent your home canned goods from developing botulism and they make the recipe for that. Once your tomatoes have processed according to the directions, take a jar grabber and lift a few out and pour out the water. This can get a drip on your hand, so wear a mitt if you don't have an abnormally high tolerance to pain like I do.

I like to set out half the jars and fill them to within a 1/4 inch to the rim using my funnel and a cup.

Fill your jars and get the lids ready. They should be in a pan with some very hot, but not boiling, water. This is the spot where you realize you put the wrong size lids in earlier and have to get back into the canning supplies to find the right size.

Put the new lids in the very hot water for a bit and let them get hot, wipe the jars around the top to get any residue off (this is necessary! Particles between the jar and the rubber seal can prevent you from getting a good seal), and seal with the lid and the rings. Do this until you are out of mixture. If you have an incomplete amount at the end, eat it! Don't can a half jar.
Then, put them back into the pot.

Process according to the package directions and when you are done, you will have a batch of salsa that I promise you will love!

It's not sweet like the stuff in the store, though, but more like the stuff that you are brought to the table in a Mexican restaurant. After that, enjoy!

Love V8? Try making your own in 5 minutes for pennies on the dollar!

Around here, someone (*cough*cough* Alpha Man!) likes to drink V8 juice. It's pretty expensive in my opinion and has some stuff in it that I don't think should be in food. This is the stuff they call "Natural Flavorings" which could really be anything, but is often MSG.

Instead, I make him my very own knockoff with a few simple ingredients from the kitchen.

I take these:

One can no sodium tomato paste
4 cans water
Mix well
1 teaspoon celery salt
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
pinch pepper
6 teaspoons sugar or splenda
3 shakes of worcestershire sauce
1/2 teaspoon horseradish

Several shakes of hot sauce (optional)

I didn't have any garlic powder this time so I threw some in the grinder and powdered it, myself.

So you take all of the ingredients and mix them up (a whisk works best, trust me!) and they will look like this.

Chill and pour and you have a refreshing drink! I made a fancy umbrella for this one out of a cupcake liner and a piece of my hat.

So, there you have it. The can of tomato paste was 35 cents and there are just a few cents worth of other stuff in there. try it! You might find that it tastes a lot better than the stuff in the bottle.

How She Got 12 Bottles of Miracle Whip for 1 Dollar

Alpha Man LOVES Miracle Whip. He goes through about 1 22 ounce bottle a week if it is a week with a high sandwich-to-hot meal ratio. These things are really expensive and, of course, in my neverending search to provide him with everything he loves, I try to buy them. Buying the cheap stuff doesn't work though I have slipped it into his MW jar before and tricked him! When he reads this, he'll tell me that he wasn't fooled hahaha

This week, I started shopping at CVS. While I was browsing their ad, I noticed there was a deal that had Miracle Whip for $2.50. That was an OK deal, I guess. Then I noticed there was a $10 gas card if you bought $30 in select items and the MW was included. I started doing math in my head. 12 bottles would be $30, but there was a problem. CVS doesn't carry 12 of...well...anything, really.

This evening, we ran a bunch of unexpected errands. In a city the size of Birmingham, there is a CVS every few blocks. So, as we moseyed towards home, we stopped at CVS stores. Yep. I was whipping up miracles. At each store, I would buy a few bottles and use a $1 off coupon on each one. 12 bottles = $12 in coupons, thus my bill magically became $18 after coupon. Then, there was the matter of the gift card. As soon as I bought the 12th bottle, the register printed out a coupon for a free $10 gas card. I needed gas anyway, but instead of paying for it, I chose to pay for sandwich spread. After gift card, my bill was now $8, which is where the real magic begins. I have this rebate for $7 back when you buy $14 or more in condiments. I'll send it off tomorrow and, in 4-6 weeks, will get back 7 of the 8 bucks. I just couldn't resist the math on 12 bottles for 8.3 cents each.
And now we're stocked up for sandwich season.

And I would have never gotten to see what the little one calls "The Whipmobile"